Fairy Tales Can Come True, It Can Happen To You

I felt obliged to say that the main reason this wedding thing is annoying me is because it's just so overblown. It's true we all tend to place ourselves at the center of the universe and assume that our way is best, and I am no exception. But I think my sister's wedding is the standard for how it ought to be done.

When she got engaged at 18, my parents weren't really prepared for it. I'm not sure how they felt emotionally, but financially, we were pretty well broke. We always were, but this was the high inflation, no jobs malaise Jimmy Carter presided over and it was pretty tough on the lower middle class.

But they were in love, and so it was going to happen. My sister visited a dozen venues to try and get the best possible value for the event. It was looking like it would have to be a dank church basement until, on a lark, she decide to try Tulsa's swankiest hotel - The Mayo. The Mayo had entertained Tulsa's oilmen and first families for decades and my sister didn't think she could afford it but she wanted to at least dream about having it there. So, she went in to talk to the events person there and after telling her story and chatting awhile, the hotelier said, "You know, Mr. Oilman just canceled a major event in our Crystal Ballroom and I'm really angry about it. I've been thinking about not refunding his money. If you can have your wedding on the 15th, we'll let him rent the Crystal Ballroom for you." And so it was that my sister was married in a place that looked like something out of Beauty and the Beast.

But that wasn't the only thing. We still had to produce this thing. My mom got a dress at a consignment shop and refashioned it into a wedding dress. My mom made the five-tiered wedding cake. She made the sheet cakes. She made the petit-fours and canapes. The groom's mother and sister hand made hundreds of fresh mini-tamales. They made five gallons of frozen margaritas with tequila they got from a guy who owed them a favor. The groom's cousin brought his mariachi band to play. All the young adults in the cult made and hung the decorations. We borrowed all the tables and punch bowls and everything else. Our whole community contributed something to this wedding. To this day, when I run into people from the cult they ask me if my sister's still married. They're relieved to hear she is and say, 25 years later, "That's the best wedding I've ever been to."

Sadly, I don't remember much of it. I spent the first half of the thing practicing heavy underage drinking and the second half curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor of the bridal suite.

So forgive me if I am grumbling about spending hundreds of thousands on a wedding for two people old enough to have kids in high school. It's just not my way.

By the way this will be Killer's fifth gig as flower girl. As you will see below, she is carrying on the family business. For I was a veteran ringbearer, having borne rings to at least a half-dozen nuptials (click for larger):